SoBeautiful

Girl dont you know..youre so beautiful...I wanna give all my love to you girl...Not just tonight, for the rest of your life...I wanna be always here by your side.

OMG I'm in love with this song. Musiq REALLY Did it in this time! (should be able to click the title of the blog to go watch the video) I Freakin love this $hit!!! LOVE it! It could make a girl cry. Like I said in my last blog...Makes you think "I wish someone would sing this to me" "do these guys exist or what?" etc. Now dont twist it.. I love my man I dont want another, I want My Man to sing this to me!!! Thats what I'm sayin! lol I would just be sittin there with my mouth open chin down blushin if i could. GIRL PLEASE!!! hahahaha Singing: Girl dont you know, your so beautiful, I wanna give all my love to you girl.....ahhhhhhh go head honey go head. lol This song is beautiful! And for those who are only thinking skin deep for the word beautiful...thats not accurate because "Beauty" is a lot more than skin deep so he's not just sayin "omg you look sooo pretty I wanna spend my life loving you, You just look so good" no (and if that is what he was thinking he should rewrite that song) So guys dont go singing this to a woman just because she looks hot and u wanna get it....thats a jerk move (and regardless of what that lil boy group says bein called a jerk is not cute, some one calls you a jerk...dont say "I know" like its a good thing, thats the dumbest mess I've ever heard of and it makes me mad they even made that song, if u wanna call the dance that fine but.....ur callin urself that and ur not only referin to the dance then so thats the dumbest mess I've heard in a minute) ANYWAYSSSSSSS I love it

And Carl Thomas where did you go???? Songs like Summer Rain, and Emotional...They were beautiful *tear* ;)

Whats your favorite slow songs? Or slow songs that you just think/thought were SoBeautiful?

Jagged Edge..Carrie Underwood..Troops

I LOVE music! Love Love Love

So I started on Youtube (of course) listening to my favorite songs of ALL TIME...EVER!!!! No its not by Jagged Egde lol, Tyrese!! Sweet Lady and Lately! No song can surpass those...But i end up on Jagged Edge, and I've pretty much forgotten about them...I know Im not alone..But now I'm watching all the slow sweet songs of theirs I loved. What happen to ya'll Jagged? Now all I remember is about police stuff with you guys, its sad thats my memory. JaggedEdgeVEVO is ya'll are interested, I'm listening to I Gotta Be right this second. I've listened to....Good Luck Charm, Walked Outta Heaven, Promise...And I'm remember things I use to think about...How guys should be that sweet in real life lol, in a real relationship, how come a guy wont act this out or sing this to a girl (me specifically of course), I also use to think: why do they move their hands like that in these songs, why are they dancing like that "grooving" like that lookin and actin kind of thuggish and stuff in these slow sweet songs. I laughed at them, always, without fail. Now I'm thinking: Are they at all thuggish in real life? Or was that just their performance style? Shoot maybe it was, people getting arrested and stuff... :/ But anyways I love these songs.. (Now listening to He Cant Love U) Whats up with the cowboy hat twin? The orange and stuff reminds me of Dru Hill..matter of fact, did Dru Hill ever wear those in a video? If u find one let me know. "You should never wanna be with a man, if he cant be a man.." Aw now listening to GoodBye...That song made me cry!! Im about to tear now :( (2:40 mins into video..4:20) Didnt notice this was in 2001..guess it was around 911...makes sense

Now I'm thinking of Carrie Underwood...Just a Dream. Definitely cried here! Now I dont dig country music in general, if I find i like something then i like something, Carrie and Taylor Swift are cool to me! Anyways, I've found a few Carrie songs make me cry, right now I can this o this one, and Temporary Home. These two girls (Carrie & Taylor) are both very beautiful girls, they're like pretty barbies, and their songs are all meaningful even if just fun there's still a meaning to it, its not non-sense like some music out these days.

Now, truth..? I....support the individuals in our troops, but joining the forces or any branches or anything at all Navy, Military, Air Forces, I dont care which, joining it isnt something that I can say I support, honestly, And I have a right to my opinion, as do you, so dont come at me like I cant say what I feel. I hate the thought of people leaving to go to these 'jobs' if you will...I hate it, and I think it mainly came from 911...Mr.President maybe it was because of the last YEARS we've been somewhere we're I think we shouldnt be, maybe because of how many people IN these 'jobs' have died, have been missing, have left and been disturbed since, so much more, because of the ppl ''we've'' killed. We wanna call it a war?? Why is an army fighting people? Why is an army killing people, kids. There's just too much, I'm not okay with the thought that someone might join, and then we may never see them again. Sure its always been a concern, but who was REALLY concerned that it more than likely WOULD happen until 911 troops?? Can you really say you were thinking "oh no you'll join and there's a HUGE chance you might be seen to Iraq/Afghanistan/etc and I WILL Never see you again!" no, you may have thought "what will happen if they send you across seas Somewhere, what if its bad, what if i may not see you again?" You had what ifs, and they were simply thoughts, but after that, it was more a "this really could happen now, its bigger than just a 'what if' and it scares me." I'm sure all this is why I feel like I feel. I'm glad that Pres is gone, lets see what happens with our society/troops now and in the future this pres and the next and the next. I'm not voicing any opinion about our pres now, only because thats not my point to. I dont believe anything can really change that quickly, like some of you thought it was going to change ONCE we got a new president (you were silly little people to think that) nothing changes over night, not in one month, everything (I mean EVERYTHING) is a process, things can change over night.......but more than likely it takes trial and error, it could be days, weeks, months, years for things to change (I mean more than just US policies, I mean political, I mean social, I mean love, I mean individuals) "Man in the mirror" you know?

Alright I gotta go to class....I love music so Im sure I'll have more blogs about it later. Comment about whatever, comment about everything you thought about since you started reading until you finished. Tell m your fav song. You post something I think is stupid (about my own opinion) chances are I'm deleting it, because I dont care if you think my opinion is stupid or dumb or whatever. Just give YOUR opinion, dont sweat mine. And dont bash ANY president on here or I'll delete it. Nothing rude or offensive, blunt sure, but dont cross the thin line. >>Later!

So much..too much...everything

This will be long no doubt..as I type things usually flow. Never knew what to type about on my blog and chances are...I shouldnt start this way but there's no better time for me to type, to express myself. So I guess you'll get to know a part of me, its unavoidable. This is not all of me. But this is the me thats goin on right now....

Mood: Sad, hurt, upset, listening to slow jams on youtube, tv on, he's sitting beside me (not looking at what Im doing), a lil anger is there too, and so much more, maybe too much more. But you understand.

So...He said "Why dont you type about it...You express yourself better that way" (somethin like that). Well lets go back..So I've been here as his for 3yrs February. I've wanted him for maybe 6yrs. Fell in love before I knew it, someone else pointed it out, he pointed it out too. I'd do whatever I could for him. All Ive wanted was to be with him. Through the years we've had ups and downs problems etc like most relationships. We're VERY different individuals, that causes alot of our problems. I'd personally say that causes ALL of our problems. But Being different I can deal with, he cant.....There's so much I could say with so much detail, that would be everything, but it would be too much. So he is interesting, he is stubborn, he is spoiled, he's a ram and a bull, he is complex, he is poetic, he is semi goth, he is intellectual, he could manipulate, and he thinks about everything even when he shouldnt and that can be both a blessing and a curse (ex: sum1 says something and means exactly what they say, he thinks into it and can pull up other meanings and possibilities of what that person meant and that can make him way off base...curse....he can take a statement that has no explanation and come up with interesting interpretations or get a project and think of great things to do with it to make it interesting...blessing) everything...so much...yet, maybe, too much. Moving on...we've broken up or separated or w.e maybe 3/4 times and all within this last year. Why? Because of him, he cant deal well with our differences, he thought me might wanna still see whats out there, he might wanna know if there's nothin better or different or both or more or less or w.e, so much more, but whatever, you understand. He love me, I love him..doing these things haddnt worked out, he could make himself do it, not really, he knew it would hurt me..thats what he says..so he couldnt, and never did..but we kept bein apart. I just wanted him to work with me on us, to try, to Really, Truly, Actually, Completely TRY. I do whatever I can for him..everything, just so much...maybe it was too much...maybe it still wasnt enough...it hurts me to think I'm not it or enough...but maybe we're both not enough..But it hurts to think it. So...we attempt to move on, but can, cuz we keep holdin on, even if we dont talk a lot we cant let go completely. Our bdays 3 days apart, I turned 21, we werent together but we were together and we wanted to be with one another in multiple ways. So he came to celebrate with me I love him, glad he did, we drank (I mean it was a party..I was 21) He's experienced more in life, he knows more about a lot of things, maybe everything, so much..He knows how he is and his friends, he expects certain things, he's...........I'm young, I havent been through much, I dont know much about life, I havent been through much in life, I learn as I go as i experience as i see, I want what i want I can be stubborn too, as sum1 informed me I'm "un-knowledged...naive" I have "a lot to learn" So much-so little-too much-too little-everything-yet nothing. We're different, raised different, think different..maybe too different..maybe a good compliment if we let ourselves be...but somehow it doesnt seem we can let ourselves be (I say HE cant let us be) Moving on cuz this isnt the point...everything [I say here] can be argued, I dnt wanna be argued talking to u the reader and/or otherwise..

My birthday...I wanted to celebrate however I wanted to celebrate the whole wknd, I dnt care who came I dnt want the lack of ppl showin up to upset me so I dnt count on anyone to, just that girl I considered my closest friend, and a/few other closests, and Really wanted Him to come to everything, but he previously expressed he wasnt sure if it would be a good decision (reminder that we werent together, things were complicated, but we still loved each other, just incase u forgot) But I was hurting by thinkin he might not come, but still dnt want it to upset me if he didnt, but he came that night, I was so happy, he looked too good, looking better everytime I see him, yea duh Im smitten if u couldnt tell already..I mean damn this whole freakin blog is about him geez lol...anyways we drank..I wanted him....we did what we wanted to and shared the night until he decided he was going to leave, even though I dnt want him to, but I was hopin he'd make it back the next night...could be more detail, but I wont.. Moving on (this is when I get more detailed cuz this is what He said type about, so much to say, too much, get ready..everything)..my 2 friends stay the night...next night we're suppose to go to a club, get ready late, line too long, keep movin...I invited ppl to all the events that wknd...ends up sum guys decided to join for w.e we were doin that night, my 2 friends, and the other girls i invited and Him, didnt come (some had another birthday they decided to go to..He was with them)...So meet with guy A, have 2 shots? and a vodka-coke, guys B-D meet us, go to bar lounge. I feel fine just enjoyin myself, my girls are actin a lil funny I mean u cant help but laugh at it. We're all walkin together. Get to lounge...I'm sitting with my girls let me give u the set up (rectangle table, chairs one side bench other, Girl 1, 2, me sitting on bench, guy C sittin beside me, guy B sitting next to him in chair, other side of table guy D and A) I was talkin to everyone, mainly my girls. They were funny. Didnt talk much to Guy C, and not too much to D either. Didnt have heavy convo with any1 besides my girls really. But chatted with Guy B (Ive known all theses guys either since high school or middle school now that i think about it or since my prev college. Detail..? Guy B I knew in h.s. and thought was cute then, this was like 2006 or sumthin, its now 2010, we dnt keep in touch, we dnt talk all toooo much in h.s. but of course facebook u find ppl u havent kept in touch with, so yeah...still dnt talk much, guy C said he was bringin guys B & D to my bday, I asked guy B about it like a day or two b4 the party. That was it. Had me text address. There how we got each others number. Goin back...so I'm talkin to B and how the seatin is and/or noise lvl/voice lvl, sometimes I could hear him so I had him switch places with C since he wasnt talkin and i felt like I was cuttin him off talkin to B anyways..So Bs beside me, he had said he'd buy my drink earlier, I had a mixed drink (drink # 2 that night, had 2 shots already) Still felt fine though, began to get a buzz after a while, guy A ordered girl 1 a drink she dnt need anymore that was just plain obvious and she said she dnt want ne more, I took the drink basically, dnt even drink half of it....felt buzzed but i stopped drinkin we were snackin on some food too. To mention...I was talkin with guy B, yeah I was 'friendly' I wouldnt say overly friendly that hella too much, I was nice, and i was just havin a fun time there period (not with him, just period), he sat next to me, but most of my attention was still on my girls, still talked to every1 else, he did not have my attention...but other than havin him sit next to me I was just as funny/friendly/etc to evy1 else....Skip forward...One of my girls asked them if they were comin back to the apt with us, idk what time it was maybe 1/2 idk...I didnt bring it up they did, but i didnt object, I dnt care. It wouldnt make my night any better..or worse...so I thought at the time...they said yeah sure w.e So we all went back to my place, we had to walk back to the car, I was walkin fine I dnt feel as buzzed anymore, I was stable, I thought I was okay, I was helpin my girls walk, girl 1 wasnt as gone as she was before, not nearly, and girl 2 was more gone but she was kinda naturally clumsy, anywho..I was helpin them walk, I was more stable...we rode with guy A..... Like I mentioned...Im young, I dont know as much blah blah w.e but I dnt think I was drunk, Im takin note off of what I know to be "drunk" Stumbling, clumsy, not acting like normal even on a hyper day, etc...I wasnt like that...we get back to the room girl 1 makes some mixed drinks...were out in the living area a roomie comes out and whines about noise..we dnt think we were that loud, and dnt feel it was that late to be that big of a deal...like I said think it was like 2 or somethin...didnt track time the rest of the night....moved evy1 into my room since roomie was trippin. I dnt have hella chairs so 2 ppl were in chairs and 5 sittin on my bed...guy B, me, guy A, guy D with girl 2, chairs girl 1 guy C. We're suppose to be playin cards, I tried no1 cared to play anymore, no1 responded to it. So we jsut sat and chilled and talked. I talked to guys B&A, I hadnt drank much more, but i did have some sips, only felt tipsy....Memories blurry from here, I cant remember order of things...Remember guy B kissed me..yeah I wondered IF it would happen again, if he'd try...not sayin I thought it was nice or good and i wanted to do it again, it wasnt that at all, I just dnt expect it to happen to begin with and it did and I wondered about it happening again, just a wonder dont make it more than it was...I know guy A left the room, I remember lookin at guy B at one point and I remember he kissed me again, and i dont think it was quite as short as the first kiss...thats when my memories stop for a while. I have no clue what happened, and yeah part of me is okay with that I dont know the events because I feel confident that i know "what happened" during that time.....so a kiss....fade out...feel my head rise up off the bed like I just woke up and I look down and I see him below me doin somethin Im not sure why he's doin, and he comes up, seems like it was 3-5 seconds of him bein there before he comes towards my face and says he wants to do more....he says this a few times I believe but I just say no, I had given a reason but I feel like I dnt even hear the reason I gave, but it was a no for sure, he had his head on/near my stomach for a second...somewhere like that..not sure if he was completely layin his head on me or bracin himself over me...Im thinkin its over, evything felt like it was calmin down, where it was gonna stop, w.e had happened, thought it was ending, and I was okay with that. I was a lil lost but, still not completely there where I was completely thinking about what was happening or why but also know I dnt really know what was goin on, it was like a mixture of me bein there and not bein there, I guess I wasnt fully comprehending, maybe because of confusion, maybe bcuz I was still so much under the influence, too much that I dnt really/fully process thoughts, just halfway....idk, I have no clue bcuz next thing i guess he mentioned wanting more again and so since I dnt want to go all the way, I made the decision to be in the same position I had found him to be, so that way he still got his, but not by goin so far....still so much...was too much....but thats what happened, and I felt like it was takin to long, and I dnt feel like doin what I was doin anymore so I switched it up and just let my hand finish what i started and grabbed some lotion or oil to help it come to an end..eventually it did...and I barely remember where it went but it had to be in my hand...Im back to not remembering much and my memory gets fuzzy again...idk why..idk if thats natural...but I only remember havin my robe on and gettin a towel and comin back in the room I saw girl 1 outside with guys A & C, idk when they got out there, girl 2 and guy D were right next to us the whole time I guess, doin w.e they were doin, I didnt fully recognize this, I know I dnt see them most the time, I wasnt looking at them, Idk what all they did but it doesnt matter...So I got a towel to clean up things with, I dnt remember what was done with the towel, I still cant remember if I had clothes on or not or some were and some werent or what but if i had my robe on there was obviously SOMETHING off...I dnt remember what I cleaned with the towel (meanin specific like where basically) and I dnt remember puttin the towel down...and I dont remember puttin on any clothes that was/mightve been off me...I dnt remember when evy1 else left the room, I remember not walking out the door but as i exited the door and saw the guys in the kitchen with girl 1, idk where girl 2 was, and they guys were leavin, heads seemed down, I dnt remember where I walked to originally but I remember bein infront of girl 1 and she said somethin to me later to find out she mentioned how guy B had a fiance or w.e and she said "thats nasty" But its like w.e she said to me just triggered somethin in me that kinda slapped me and made me start thinkin and start comin back to reality, and i dnt think I really listened to whatever she said after that bcuz I was in my own head, and I walked to the bathroom and more started to sink in as my high was bein broken and I started just thinking, at first just staring in front of me then "oh my god....oh my God....Oh ....my God" each time gettin closer to reality of what just happened. so like i said i know what happened but at the same time i know know the exacts, I know what didnt happen..how far it didnt go, only 3 things happened and i know what they are, how long exactly or other details into it I dont know...but those blk outs i cant recall, they wont come back, but Im a person who feels like I have to deal with what i know is at hand, and Im dealing, I dont feel like I need to know every exact detail, evy second, i need to know what i feel i need to know, and since Im the one who did it, no1 else can tell me wth was goin thru my mine that let me do that. I live HIM, and for me to do something i never thought I would do, always said I wouldnt do, wether drunk or not, Im not okay with, but its something i have to come to terms with, and as i do I'm going to feel ways for it...Goin back...walkin out the bathroom...sat down beside girl 1 (still dno where girl 2 was, I wasnt payin attention to that at this point, I mean can u blame that?) and she said sum1 had been callin me all night (b4 i went to the bathroom) I had looked at the name and it was the number where my Love was, so it was him..My phone had been out there the whole time and I dnt know....so yeah reality started hittin in...when i came out and sat down, i was still sayin omg..and i told her...i cant believe this... I cant not tell him...he's never gonna (?)...Im gonna lose him...Im gonna loose him...omg...im gonna lose him as i picked up the phone and called him back its was sumtime in 5am at this time. I felt like my breath was gone as he answered the phone, said hellos, he said whats wrong...I told him what happened, was crying, was hurting, was SO scared, he was pissed...hurt sure but pissed fa sure...said "F*ck u" told me to loose his number but I dnt wanna loose him regardless that I thought/believed/knew I was...I couldnt let him hang up cuz he might not answer if i tried to call back..I just couldnt let him hang up, i was hurting SO bad, crying to hard, breathing too little, heart pounding so hard...it was so much...was too much..for both of us....for him....I felt like I was pleading, begging, hoping more than I'd ever hoped before, wishing stronger than i ever had. I'd do anything for him, always felt that way, felt that way even more/stronger now/then. It was so hard to say. He knew I wanted him, he knew I loved him, he know Id do what I could and have always done what I could for him...but of corse after this...he would naturally question it all....I can understand that but at the same time.....if u knew it then...u should know it know....he cant just except it was a mistake.....go back....we dnt hang up the phone with a "f*ck u" and he had called me back the next day sayin he was going to come over and stay the night with me and we needed to talk about things, he wanted to try to stick in, he gave me hope, still scared of course, but some hope, I prayed that it would be enough hope and we could get through, I've only ever wanted him, to be with him, love him, live with him, care for him and him care for me, be his wife, thats all..for 3 years thats what Ive wanted, I never wanted to be apart from him, I want to cry now as i have thru this whole 'passage' but he's still here next to me, I dnt wanna start crying because of that....but he came we had the best love and times then than we had in the last year of our relationship, it was like things seemed better than they ever were, he assured me he was gonna do his best to get past this, he was gonna try hard, and he was willing to do so...though I didnt cheat on his cuz we werent together, we were/are in love and it hurts all the same, so much..too much. I still wanted to be with him, told him so the night before...then this happens...it makes it hard.. he said "I was thinkin bout u all that night...everytime I'm thinkin bout you...it hurts that u werent even thinkin about me...were just together...and you werent even thinkin about me that night" I cant explain that and I can remove that hurt, but regardless, I still love him and Id do anything for him, Id do whatever I could to fix it or help us...hes at a place now (2 weeks later) where he's starting to give up..Reminder: he thinks about everything, so much, too much..its a blessing and a curse...right now its too much and its only cursing us. He doesnt understand what happened and neither do I so I cant help him understand. So he comes up with his own understandings, talkin to him friends, thinkin to himself, he thinks about himself in the situation but of course that would entail only bein able to see what U would do and wouldnt do, and inhibiting urself to only be able to see what U wouldve and wouldnve done and seein ur thought and etc etc, and talkin to ur friends that only know what they know form themselves or bein in a situation similar but they are inhibited in that specifically...they are not me...they are nothin like me, they were not me that night..$hit I wasnt me that night. I dont believe any1 can explain what happened other than the person who was in it that night and thats me and guy B, but B doesnt know what was in my head, regardless of my expression or lack of or actions or lack of, and because I really wasnt there for that most I cant tell it either..so we have no answers...but bcuz of who He is..he jus has to find answers..so he thinks of things that make sense to him, and he just Keeps thinkin and Keeps thinkin comin up with more and more and worse at that..a curse...its only hurting us..we were gettin better at first but then it took a turn somewhere, somehow..somethin that he let himself think of...and everyday theres another question, theres a comment..that brings more thoughts or old thoughts or new thoughts....everything, so much, tooo much...Stop already. Your makin urself go crazy. This is my opinion, you can have ur own. But how I see it, u said u were gonna try, you wanted to make it work, u had that strong emotion for it to work at first, you have to go back and hold on to that, you cant let things overwhelm you or control you or consume you or pull u in dark places, we started gettin better, that shows it can get better, but as i have said before..."seems like no matter how much good there is, people seem to only hold onto or recognize or focus on the bad..." I dont know why the world is like that but it is, and Ive said b4 "ur a negative thinker stop thinkin so negative all the time" I know we have a lot of negative, or a BIG negative right now...But I know we can make this....You may not be sure right now, and I understand that I understand where ur comin from, I hurt because I know ur hurting, I hurt because of what I did and that I could loose the person that I love most, the person I've always wanted to build a future with, the person I've talked about marryin and havin their kid, the person I've wanted and waited for in multiple ways at multiple times, the person Ive wanted everything with and for, wanted so much for and with, maybe it was too much. But I cant help how stong i feel for u, I cant change what happened, I can explain it either, I cant heal ur wounds, I cant help this, all I can do is try to be patient while u try to get past this, and u can stop saying u cant, just know its gonna be hard but its gonna take effort, and i nkow u feel like u shouldnt even have to, u shouldnt...but thats where we are right now...and if we're only thrown things that we can handle that means we were thrown this bcuz we can handle it, because we're strong enough, even when we feel like we're not, if we push through like we're suppose to we can make it. I cant show u u can trust me and believe in me so quickly, but u have to open urself to bein able to trust me again, you have to push forward, you say this showed u that Im the one u want...was that just a temporary feeling? Past all the hurt and anger, is that thought and feeling not still there? If its not there, past those feelings, then maybe you should walk away... but if its still there, then try to get past the hurt and anger, its gonna take a while, try to be patient even though I know ur generally not...but those things that are a part of u are making this hard for u to move on with me and make us stronger, so if u can push past that and stay and love me, and try, thats when we can over come this...thats when ur gonna be able to start trustin in me again...Im not oblivious I know its hard I know sometimes it seems unobtainable and unrealistic, but I also know it's possible. And Your not the only one hurting. I drank too much and did somethin I normally would never do, I f*cked up, I messed up, I did too much...and it hurts so much..and makes u question everything. I know I still have to live life as do you, and i know I've learned not to trust certain things or think certain ways about certain things, or how I feel when I might be drunk, and I dont even want to get close to drinks that have certain alcohol in it or that has multiple alcohols in it, everytime asked about gettin a drink or when i think about it I think of u, I wonder if I should at all, but I know Im not going to cut out drinkin all together so its a feelin I'll have to not be soo nervous or w.e I am about it, but I know I'm not havin 2/3 shots and 2-3 drinks in one day again..I know I'm not going to have certain amounts/types of drink/shots..there's just things Im goin to be cautious about now, and only when put in those situations will u be able to see that u can trust me, but problem being I cant just be put in the situations too often, so it might take a while. But you gonna be willing to tryn and I know thats the problem...the big negative is in ur face all the time and its hard to let urself be willing to try...I told u I understand the things u say...even if i dont identify with them or agree or think ur correct... you have to try. I need you to try...I need you to stop thinkin about so many different things that dnt happen or dont exist or come up with Your Own reason for what I did because babe ur not me, u cant truely understand and that because ur not me, ur u, so u can only view it ur way. Ur not me, u cant view it my way, I cant express it to u to where ud understand or get where I'm comin from because ur u, and what I say can sound stupid/foolish/naive to u, and it may be all of that...thats the thing too...it is all of that, but all that doesnt make sense to u, so u gotta find out what does make sense...but its making things worse...there's so many maybes about what happen, there's diff things that could make sense to explain why or how it happened, but theres also things that say hey $hit doesnt make sense sometimes..dumb things happen sometimes...when ppl are drunk they do dump shit or do things with out thinkin or do things they normally wouldnt do...so because of that theres a chance...thats what happened....it doesnt make sense....."Sorry for the Stupid Things...sometimes I do stupid things to you when I really dont mean it at all...sometimes a fool doesnt know he's a fool...sometimes a wrong doesnt know that they wrong...sometimes a strong aint always so strong".. "I'm so sorry that I tore ur heart apart last night"..."I just want you to stay..stay with me..and after all that you've been through, I will make it up to you, I promise you".."who am I to say the hurt you are to feel. The one who has the broken heart knows what it takes to heal, but if you understand the human that I am, find it in ur heart the place where lover start so we can try again...to make u realize the love I have inside..here in my arms, I need u in my life..." Saying sorry isnt enough, but besides doing what I can for u and to show u u can trust me again, sorry is all I can say to express it. Baby I'm sorry for it all, I'm sorry to myself, Im sorry to you, I'm sorry to us. I want us, I love us, you know that. Dont forget that as true, I know u cant really believe that I may not love you and want you, u may feel that sometimes or for moments but I KNOW you Cant Believe That. I love you more than anything. It hurts me so much that I hurt you and us. Thats when I cry, thinking about how I hurt you and how that hurts me. That I cant fix anything, at all, remotely.. Please try to puch forward with me, get that drive back to make us last, stop comin up with ur own thoughts that make us hurt, understand me when I say, I wouldnt ever have wanted that, I would go back in a heartbeat, I love you, I wanna make good memories with you, I wanna Love you, everyday, so much, maybe too much ;) Try Please, I'm askin you..beggin you...let me love you..love me...lets push forward...

I Love You Babe

Please note This is hella long and I meant everything I said..there might be errors in grammar, or words typed twice, or somethin, I have not gone through and re-read to find errors...Its way too long and I dont have the strength to do so right now. Prolly will do it another time.